A Night with a Thai Mafia Don
“This is not a police island. This is a Mafia island.”
The bartender’s eyes shift from side to side, sizing up the landscape. I try to match his intensity as I take a sip from the bucket of Sang Som, Red Bull and Coke.
The bartender, an expat from another Southeast Asian country, has been living in Thailand for years. In that time, he’s gleaned some wisdom:
“You are nice to Thai people, they are nice to you two times. You F*CK with them, they F*CK you three times!”
It’s taking everything I have not to laugh, but the serious expression in the bartender’s eyes keeps any would-be giggles nestled in the back of my throat.
Thailand has two sets of laws, as the people who live here are well aware. There are the actual laws, which are often ignored, and then there are the unwritten laws that must be followed at all times.
Sure, there are police on this island. But every neighborhood has its own Mafia leader. And those are the people who control everything. Soon, the bartender is telling us stories of police being “asleep” during emergencies, of dead victims and corruption.
Then he shifts gears.
“I will never run a business with a European again. I got f*cked in the a**!”
The bartender leaves to tend to his other customers, leaving me and Matt in shocked incredulity.
“He was in the bar with us last night,” Matt whispers.
“Who?”
“This neighborhood’s leader. He was the shirtless guy.”
“The crazy drunk shirtless guy?! No way was he the Mafia leader!”
“That was him.”
“If there’s anything I’ve learned from the movies, it’s do not get involved in the mob!” I whisper-shriek.
And yet the neighborhood’s Mafia leader chooses that moment to walk into the bar and sit down across from us.
The bar goes quiet. We’re spellbound.
The Mafia leader recognizes us from the night before and gives us a polite wai, bowing with his hands together.
Matt and I wai him back so quickly and deeply that we’re nearly on the floor, our palms pressed together in front of our faces.
I have images of Goodfellas running through my head, but they’re mixed with exhilaration — we’re in. We’re just got a wai from the Mafia. And if anything happens to us on this island, we’re protected.
That said, I couldn’t wait to get out of the bar.
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At age 26, I quit my job to travel the world alone. I spent six fantastic months in Southeast Asia and turned my travel blog into a full-time business. Today, I travel full-time, going anywhere that sounds wacky or beautiful or interesting. My goal is to show YOU how you can travel the world on your own -- easily, safely, and adventurously. 
Yikes! Talk about suspense.
The Mafia is kind of scary no matter what country you’re in. The large city closest to my hometown used to be run by the mob. A mob boss bought the property next to us in the early 90s and built himself a mansion there. Then, when I was 5 or 6, he got shot and killed in his driveway. Good thing I was too young to realize how scary that was!
Oh my GOD! That’s so frightening!!!
Even more frightening? My dad (who was a city cop and knew all about Joe Naples) didn’t want us kids to be scared, so he referred to Joe as “Uncle joey” around us. I went around calling a mob boss “Uncle Joey” for a couple years!!
That would be an interesting experience, glad you made it out alive. I hope you didn’t accept any gifts from him, you don’t wanna owe those guys.
How I love reading your stories. You have a great way to write them!
(I hope the next one doesn’t involve mafia, though
)
Aww, thank you! No promises…my mom claims there’s some Mafia in the family…
Wild. Just wild.
I remember hearing the same thing how much of Thailand was run by the Mafia. Pretty crazy.
That’s it, you gotta write a book!
LOL, Andi! That’s my dream! I’m just hoping someone with power takes note of this…
Taking note …
Really well written, Kate. I feel like I was right there with you.
Wait.
I was.
Muahahaha!
Hahaha. Thank you, darling.
So cool. There was some groovy Pulp Fiction music running through my head as I imagined the crazy (no doubt pot bellied?) mafioso sitting across from you.
Good redas!
LOL! I can imagine that!
wow. Thailand has a gritty underbelly, but it is not as bad as you might think. pretty cool experience though. the islands certainly have their own rules.
Not bad! People love using the word mafia in Thailand. There is the taxi mafia, tuk tuk mafia, even the maids have a mafia. It’s just used tounge in cheek. I think your friend was pulling your leg a little!
Which Island was this on?
I think it’s best keeping that quiet, NaHee.
Well I have personal eat with the man and drunk with his family, and I’m a seasoned traveler, I’ve been very welcomed by the man him self me and my gf (farang) and I found the man a very nice person even when I did wake other people up and I was aloud the run of the place and when I was asked where I was staying I replied with the answer I was told many times (Thai mafia)