Should Solo Women Travelers Pretend to be Married?
There are hundreds upon hundreds of guides for women’s travel safety abroad, and many of them have conflicting advice.
One of the more controversial rules surrounding solo women travelers is whether or not they should pretend to be married or wear a fake wedding ring.
Some women interpret this advice by announcing that they’re married from the get-go to everyone they meet, from hostel guests to street vendors, even when in a nonthreatening environment. I don’t know what these women do after they become friends with someone.
Could pretending to be married keep you safe? Perhaps. In some conservative cultures, saying your husband is coming to meet you is often the easiest way to get out of a long discussion. But most of the time, it’s meaningless.
Let’s talk about Italy. Of all the places where I’ve traveled, Italy was where I got the most male attention. Italian men hit on everything that moves, and a wedding ring — whether yours or theirs — makes no difference whatsoever. (And you wonder why Italy is my favorite country.)
Thankfully, though, if you call Italian men on their behavior, most of the time they’ll protest your claims, blame someone else, and shrink away in defeat. And you can do that whether married or single. (My favorite response, which I’d hear often in Florence: “It is not me, it is the Albanians!”)
In my experience, a wedding ring may stop a few men who would have ordinarily hit on you if they thought you were single. Maybe. But it won’t fend off an attacker.
My advice? Guard your safety in smarter ways — like taking a self-defense course, getting cabs at night, and not getting intoxicated.
Ladies, I would love to hear your experiences. Help me out: should solo female travelers pretend to be married?
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At age 26, I quit my job to travel the world alone. I spent six fantastic months in Southeast Asia and turned my travel blog into a full-time business. Today, I travel full-time, going anywhere that sounds wacky or beautiful or interesting. My goal is to show YOU how you can travel the world on your own -- easily, safely, and adventurously. 
I agree that you should guard your safety in smarter ways. I had a boyfriend when I traveled through South America alone so I wasn’t lying. We had promise rings that we wore on our left hands while we were apart from each other. I found that saying I had a boyfriend didn’t stop any guy from hitting on me or trying to take things to a whole new level. In other parts of the world guys are very forward and they go after what they want with or without your permission. In South America if you talk to a man then you are showing romantic interest with them. They do not have boy/girl friendships in the way that we do in America.
Thanks, Jenny –
And you underscore the fact that the most important thing solo female travelers should do is research their destinations like crazy, so that they can learn about male/female relationship dynamics in other countries.
I don’t really see the sense in pretending you’re married. As you mentioned, a ring often doesn’t deter foreign men anyway. And, like you pointed out, wearing a ring or telling people you’re married certainly isn’t going to fend off an attacker.
I think your advice is best – to guard yourself in other, smarter ways.
However, I know there are certain countries and cultures that don’t understand the Western penchant for a woman being single into her 20s or 30s or 40s, let alone traveling single. In certain situations, it’s probably better (and easier) to just say you’re married to avoid awkward conversations and/or arguments.
i normally wear a claddagh ring on my right ring finger, in such a way that indicates to anyone familiar with them that i’m taken, but abroad i don’t often claim to be married. i especially wouldnt randomly proclaim it to everyone i meet. in egypt, though, i found that swiveling the ring around to show the plain band shielded me from the random propositioning i had previously been hearing in cyber cafes. no more invites to hotel rooms once they saw that! it’s also worth noting that in many other countries, the right hand is where you wear a wedding ring, and i’ve had foreign friends tell of embarassing mistakes in pickup artistry because they forgot that americans wear them on the left.
I have to agree. Ring or no ring, it doesn’t seem to matter. I’ve tried both wearing ‘a’ ring and noting the proverbial boyfriend is meeting me, but the men appear to like the challenge & the chase is on. Be assertive, be aware, be smart and don’t let others buy your drinks. But don’t be paranoid. It takes the fun out of meeting people.
Good post Kate – one that I can’t say I have experience of – except as that man in the hostel offering my affection…. Seriously, it can be a problem for women solo travellers, but how often are they really on their own and not travelling with other like minded women or even men? The ring may say something but in all reality it probably doesn’t. Perhaps you are leaving yourself open to someone trying to steal the ring from you instead?! As I’m sure all people woudl say, there are many other ways to keep men at bay. Keeping off drink (well, too much anyway) and off drugs must be top of the list.
Great point, Gareth –
The more jewelry you flash, the bigger target you are.
We find that sometimes it helps to pretend to be married – but only sometimes – to get rid off men who are a little bit too attentive, if not even aggressive. Most men don’t seem to care though, and if there are no men anywhere around you, they just keep trying (which we find to be very disrespectful if a woman is really married!)
We’re lucky that we’re traveling together as two girls rather than alone; it’s much easier to ‘shake them off’ when you’re with somebody else, and less scary than having to deal with persistent men all by yourself, especially at night on the way to your hostel.
Like you say – just be attentive at all times, get a cab at night, and you should be fine.
I agree, pretending to be married does nothing for you.
I think this is an old-fashioned defence mechanism that just isn’t efficient anymore nowadays. A person that wants to harm you, will, ring or not. It might be an easy getaway from flirtatious guys, but other than that, I don’t see what it does for you.
The only time I’ve pretended to be married while traveling is when my fiancee and I have been in extremely conservative or religious countries. Some places don’t let unmarried people of different sexes share a room, for example, so pretending to be married alleviated some of that for us.
I wouldn’t do it as a safety precaution though. The most recent stats I’ve read suggest that even in North America single women are the victims or rape and assault more than married women, but that has less to do with their marital status and more to do with the reality that they aren’t alone as much as single women. As rape is often a crime of opportunity, pretending to be married on a solo trip would probably have little bearing on safety.
It makes me sad that we still have to worry about this stuff but unfortunately, we do. Great post Kate!
I think it matters not. In fact, if you have a pretty ring on your finger it might get you even more attention!!!
I say no.
If you’re a dude in Colombia you should pretend to be married… or else you may wake one day to find that you now are… not that I know from experience or anything though……….
LOVE what everyone had to say on this topic… I believe you should be open and honest when dealing with individuals in general. Although at the same time be somewhat guarded and smart about the information you are relaying to strangers. NEVER reveal where you are staying! Be sure to do your research on cultural customs of the destination you will be traveling to. Lastly big, expensive, fancy jewelery attracts unnecessary attention in any country. When traveling alone that is the last thing you want to do!
In Nepal the first question you’re asked is “where’re you from?” and the second one is “Are you married?” I answered honestly that NO and then the guys usually started all that revolting lovey-dovey talks.
But as soon as I started claiming to be married they began to shut up very soon.
I wouldn’t wear a fake ring but I certainly will be ‘married’ when I travel in the countries where marriage is considered a serious commitment.
Traveling solo is not my thing because of security reason especially in a very strange places but I think pretending of something you are not is entering in a more difficult situation. There are other ways to depend yourself and that is not lying such as bringing non-lethal weapons which you can use during emergency situation.
I just came across your blog…and this post made me laugh.
While I was student teaching in Cameroon, there was another girl in the program who pretended to be married. The director of her school asked her if she would be interested in becoming his second wife. She declined, explaining that she was already married. Later, her host family invited the man to dinner. In the middle of the meal, trying to make conversation, the host mom explained to him that their young guest was duping the local men by pretending to be married. She had no idea why the meal suddenly got incredibly awkward
This is great advice from you and your readers. I’m heading to Central and South America at the end of the year and thought about taking a band with me just in case. I think I’ll wear one just to make myself feel more protected than anything else (it’s my first time travelling – and I’m going alone) but won’t be shouting it from the rooftops. I’ll mention there’s a husband/boyfriend should the question arise.
Hi Kate,
As a matter of principle: No, as a matter of convenience: Yes. Sometimes it helps to lie a little bit because in the end it doesn’t matter. Oh but the question was for the ladies, oops, why am I responding.
Priyank
I wore a wedding band (and carried a picture of my “husband”) when I went to Spain for the first time (I was 19 and traveling alone). It works on the respectful men, but doesn’t really do anything against the ones that aren’t so respectful (and those are the ones you are concerned about).
I had one on during my solo travels throughout Central America, and it was basically the same story, with an added twist: “But your husband isn’t with you right now….” Meaning, essentially, that he would never know. I think my favorite moment was when I was taking one of the last taxis through Managua in Nicaragua before the road was shut down due to protests. I get to the airport, and the taxi driver asks if I want to go with him to his house nearby (“since it’s still two hours before your flight…”). Um, no thanks!
I still carry a wedding ring when I travel, but I realize that it isn’t a perfect defense against propositions and awkward questions. I also carry mace, and only get in licensed cabs.
I don’t think a ring or even saying you’re married wil make a difference. I’ve traveled in some of the worse countries for sexual harrassment, i.e. Morocco, Ethiopia, and Kenya, and know how annoying being harrassed can get. And saying I had a boyfriend or a husband didn’t deter anyone. I heard in some cases, it even makes you seem like an easier mark, because they figure you’re down for an affair no one will ever know about. I found the best way to discourage male attention was to pretend like I didn’t speak a common language. I’d pretend like i only spoke Russian, and its a pretty safe bet most people outside of Russia will not know Russian. They usually tried to speak for me a bit but I kept shaking my head and saying “No understand,” then they’d give up. Also try wearing long and loose skirts, and black clothing. Some of those countries consider even jeans to be revealing.